Upon Further Review

The last year has been difficult to say the least. I always rag on whiney blogpost, however, this is going to sound like one!
In July, my oldest daughter, was in bed for the month. Her Dr. ran a lot of test, blood work, every type of scan...etc. On August 1-8, she, my mother and I traveled to Europe to see my brother and his family. When we returned she rested and I assumed that she was feeling better, just tired from the trip. Two days after the trip we received a phone call asking us to provide foster care for a little boy that "would probably me be moving in with family but they just needed time to get it all worked out." We said, "Yes!" feeling that this would be a good time to get our feet wet again in foster care. The next week my oldest daughter started 6th grade. She still wasn't feeling great. I was convinced that she had a strain of mono and pulled her out of her dance classes and extra after school stuff. Two weeks later I was pulling her out of school completely treating pneumonia and whatever else this was. Less than a week later our pediatrician referred us to Children's Hospital in Dallas. We had an appointment in Infectious Diseases. I didn't feel that worried. I did, however,feel very self-concious. I could tell when discussing this with people that they were skeptical about how sick she really was. I do not believe that anyone thought I was crazy- just an over-concerned parent. The Dr.'s came in and asked us probably 100 questions. They ran a lot more blood test and then sent us home. Less that a week later, the Dr. called to let me know that Abby had an infection called histoplasmosis. She had been treated for pneumonia twice and he felt confident that she was on the road to recovery...but did say that she would not fully recover until Summer.
At the same time that we are nursing her back to health- we are nursing a newborn. Well, not really nursing. But you get the point. We now had a little guy that was 4 months old, he was pre-mature by 2 months, so our sleep was lacking severely. We were growing to love him so the sleepless nights, albeit not fun, were worth it!
This is beginning to sound whiney....and it's about to get a little worse. My husband works 2 jobs, we now have 5 kids, 1 of which is in bed recovering, 1 of which is sleeping all day and wakey-wakey all night, and 3 who need to be educated. Ellie really is somewhat self sufficient when it comes to her math, reading & history. So it was not hard...it just WAS. Lu & Zoe needed to learn to read because that's a pretty big precursor to being successful in life and graduating one day. Needless to say, the stress was up and the sleep was down.
Three weeks ago, Ellie turned 10! She hit double digits. And you have to know her. She is so fun and grateful for ANYTHING & EVERYTHING. Well, Grams hooked her up with a night at Great Wolf Lodge. We eat gluten free over here at the Fields' house simply put: because I need one more thing to manage. So the ONE thing Ellie wanted was to eat gluten on her bday weekend. What the heck! You only live once. We had a blast at GWL, came home Saturday evening, got up to go to Worship Sunday morning and Ellie is s.i.c.k.! She stayed in bed nauseated Sunday, Monday & Tuesday. On Wednesday, which happened to be her birthday, I got up to cook her the breakfast that she wanted. She comes walking into the kitchen and let's just say, "It was ugly!" She was doubled over in pain and wretching. I have never seen her so sick. We went to the pediatrician at 1:30, then to the ER & then we were transported to Children's at 11 p.m. that evening. They diagnosed her with pancreatitis and kept her there until Sunday. Greg took off work Wednesday afternoon and returned on Tuesday morning.
The next week everything seemed to start to ease up. We went to Worship the following Sunday all together. It was really interesting because for some reason that day everyone seemed to be asking me questions about our foster son's status. It had been a week when people were not showing up for the visits and I felt bad for him, as well as the entire situation. I sat down in the pew, with all of the questions still on my mind, the last week still fresh and the last several months still fresh. The under toe was trying to draw me under when our pianist began to play, "This is my Father's World." A flood of emotion swept over me at once, a Stillness that can only be explained One way, and a Peace that I could not explain if I tried.
This is my Father's world.
O let me ne'er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father's world:
why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let the earth be glad!
So I worshipped...
and right before the sermon began...
Ellie gave me a look that said, "I'm not okay."
So...back we went to Children's. Praise the Lord that another pastor's wife in town, who is also a nurse in Big D, happened to have her phone with her and she met me at home and got us to and into the hospital a little more quickly. With med's and assurance we left the hospital that evening, came home and we are good to go. i hope....and back to gluten-free!
And you know....that's Life. All of the good mixed with all of the bad. And the Truth that God rules it ALL. So tonight I will rest like a baby...or better than any babies in this house, knowing that God Is. I will rest knowing that He is Enough. And, I will rest knowing that this is His world!

Sunday Morning in the Preacher's House AND The Importance of Corporate Worship

So...let me begin this post by saying what it is not. It is not a whiny or gripey rant...because i love being married to a pastor. It is not a "woe is us" story. However, it is an attempt to give insight. It is an attempt to encourage and say, "You can do it!"
The truth is...Sunday is difficult. My husband is bi-vocational. He works a 40 hour a week job and he also pastors our church. When he comes home we have dinner together, he plays with all of the kiddos, he reads with them from the Bible & goes over their catechism questions and we both take part in putting them to bed. He is a great dad. Usually around 9:00 he retreats to his office to study for his Sunday sermon. Now, he meets with several people throughout the week for counseling. Some he meets for coffee at 6:30 a.m.. Some he meets with for an hour after work and before dinner. His study time usually ends around 12:30-1 a.m.. When Saturday rolls around, he usually needs to study from the afternoon on into the evening. It is important to state all of this before just jumping into Sunday Morning. Why? Because so many times people say to me, "I can't get up on Sundays because it is my only day off!" or "I'm so tired because I've worked all week." I can totally empathize...
So...Sunday Mornings are a different animal at our house. Daddy goes to Worship in a different car because he needs to get there a little earlier and stay a little longer. So I start moving toward breakfast pretty early. Once everyone gets up, the dance begins. It is a different day than other days. We consider this Day a Holy Day. The Lord has commanded His people to gather together to Worship Him: to hear from the Pastor -the Words of God from the Bible- the Gospel, to eat the Family Meal-Communion, to sing to Him- Psalms, Hymns & Spiritual songs and to encourage-one another. Twice a month out church community eats lunch together after Worship. This week we will have a baptism and lunch. And...did I mention....we have 5 kids in our house? It is very likely that one of the five will not feel up to par. Honestly, there are weeks that I do not feel up to par. However, I do lots of things during the week not feeling up to par. So, we decided a long time ago that Corporate Worship would be a priority in our lives. The preached Word is remarkably healing. Sunday is what we are preparing for all week long. In my home growing up it was a non-negotiable. Thanks be to God.
We can never find our shoes. What is it with the shoes? One Sunday we got there and one of the girls wasn't wearing shoes. Guess what- we all survived. One thing that really helps is when everyone decides on Saturday night what they are wearing on Sunday...along with two matching shoes....and they lay everything out together on the table. The hair thing can be trying,as well. Simply because black people hair is a little more difficult for a white person to just "pull up". Our corporate Worship begins at 10:30. I normally get everyone dressed and I am usually jumping in the shower around 9:40 and walking out of the door, at the latest, by 10:10.
Once we get to church, getting everyone in the door and seated is the hard part. It's like herding kittens. I honestly do not understand some of the complaints that I hear from people with just a couple of kids. Once in church, I find it extremely restful :). Actually- it is the salve that I have waited for all week. (I do not expect any of my non-Christian friends to understand this....and that's cool...just post about that on you're own blog.)
So....what's the point of all of THAT? I'm not sure really- other than to express "what it's like" to do this...and to say, "It IS worth it." Guess what? There is a super-natural healing and rest that comes from and flows out of obedience.
Our kids know what is important to us. They know who is important to us. And believe it or not- they are shaped by these things. They will grow to value what we value. But more importantly than that- WHY would we not want to meet with the people of God to worship Him?

im too busy

im too busy to post right now...parenting 5 children has made me one tired puppy. i am thinking about something that i want to write about however. i am planning on writing about "Sunday Mornings in the Preacher's House." Should have this out this week...we shall see. This should be a fun road to go down....

The Looking Glass

The past month has literally passed like none other. Many of you know that Abby, my mom, and I went to visit my brother & his family in Brussels, Belgium. We had an incredible time. It was an invaluable experience for all of us. One of the things that literally changed my life was the trip that my brother and I took to Paris.
There have been several times throughout the years when things have happened and I have paused and thought to myself,"Don't forget what's happening right now." When a close friends' children were recently adopted I took a mental snapshot of all that was wrapped up in that one moment for me . When Greg was ordained and his friends, who were from our time of ministry back at Sagemont drove in to pray over him during the service, time stopped. When Abby was born and Amazing Love was playing in the background, my arms were tied down because of the surgery and I turned my hands up to thank God for her and the moment. When I stepped off of the plane returning from India, Australia, Mexico, & Amsterdam I marked a tab in my mind. When the judge's gavel hit loud and hard saying, "She is your daughter"-my life was altered. The day my dad died, the letter my great aunt gave me, the day Greg told me that he loved me, the first time Lucy looked straight into the camera, all of these things define my life to me.
I was not prepared, however, for the impact of this trip.
My brother and I left from Brussels, with Abby and his three teenagers at 7:00 the morning after our arrival. My mom was planning on making the trip and wound up being sick that day. It was all new to me. We rode the metro to the train station. The train was crazy. 200 miles an hour while drinking espresso. Of course, the first stop was The Eiffel Tower. Kyle brought me up beside the tower...so I wasn't expecting it when he said, "Hey, look over there!" It was really amazing. We went everywhere. Notre Dame, an incredible CityView tower where we saw a 360 view of Paris, anything you can think of we walked to. Later in the afternoon Kyle asked if we wanted to go to The Louvre. We all agreed. I was exhausted already and it had begun to get a little warm. We stood in line and we finally got in. There were thousands of people there. At on point my brother and I looked at each other and started laughing and I said, "It's Wednesday and all of these people are here. We, like everyone else there, wanted to hit the high points. We were off to find The Mona Lisa. Well, we found her surrounded by people from every tribe, tongue and nation. I grabbed Abby's arm and pulled her, pushing and shoving, to the front for a quick glimpse of this painting I have heard about for 39 years. We quickly snapped and gawked and moved out of the way. And I did have "a moment" there...but not the one I am writing about here.
At this point, we all divided up. The kids were funny because, well, they are kids. They won't really appreciate any of this for about 20 more years. Kyle and I continued to look. As I began to be taken in by the magnificent wonders that I was seeing, most I did not even know existed until that minute, I began to feel extremely small. Even as I type this I am aware of how shallow and flat my description is. There were so many paintings of Christ. I was really interested in how the painters would depict His humanity and mortality. What made them choose the scene that they had painted? What about Christ nursing, clinging, eating with friends, discussing at the table important truths all the while children rolled on the floor with their pet dog and servants served in the background, made them see Him as He was. Of all of the scenes that had captured them- this was the one. Seriously, if you have ever been there you can concur, there were so many portrayals of Christ that I forgot that other paintings might be unrelated. At one point I saw a portrait of a man and I thought, "Huh, who is he? Is this a theologian? Is this a martyr?" The placard read something like this, "Man on the Street". Wow. I had viewed so may pictures of Jesus Christ that I began to see every other work in relationship to Him. I saw this man and thought, "What is his context...in relationship to Jesus?" The heaviness of this landed on me with such gravity that I had to stop because I was so overwhelmed with emotion. All of life, all of creation, all the earthiness of every moment finds it's meaning in relationship to Christ.
2 Corinthians 3:18 says, "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." How are we changed? By beholding Him. Even in worship, I worship as a receiver. "We love because He first loved us." I have this picture of what i think "the Day of the Lord" will look like. I think it will feel very similar to that moment. I am falling forward because of the weight of His glory and all things are simultaneously circling Him and suddenly it all makes sense.
By the way, the Man on the Street is there too...

Peace I give you...

One of the neatest things that we did over the weekend was attend an all Latin mass. Ellie and I went on Maundy Thursday. Abby had a baseball game out of town, however, Greg would not be off work in time to keep the younger ones or for us to get there in time....and there was NO way that i was taking them THAT day. Let's just say it wasn't their finest hour. In History, we have been studying a lot about the Roman Catholic Church. Several months ago I called the priest at the church and asked if he would give our kiddos a tour and explain some of their basic practices. We were very excited but he was sick the day that we were suppose to go. I had never been to a mass so i thought, "Why not go Latin?" So, Ellie and I went. We sat on the back row. To say that she was nervous would be an understatement. She was overwhelmed by the statues, the bells, the incense, the altar boys, the kneeling, crossing and the cantor. I know that it was her first time to see a foot washing ceremony. At one point she almost jumped out of her seat. I put my arm around her and whispered, "Nothing unexpected is going to happen TO you. You are seeing everything that will happen." I must say, I thought it was a beautiful service. We did not receive communion because we are not Roman Catholic...and of course, our view of the sacraments are different. I had encouraged Ellie to make observations while we were there. I told her to take everything in and we would discuss it later. The diversity was noticeable. The liturgy was longer. The Latin was different. It was really cold. The incense was s.t.r.o.n.g so the fans HAD to keep moving. I was sure that she would have noticed all of those things. When we left she said two things: 1) "Can we get a sno cone?" 2) "You saw everything I did so..."
On Sunday during worship one of our Elders read John 20. I was captivated by Lord's desire to give peace. PEACE. Do I need to tell you how many times in a day i feel unrest? disillusionment? confusion? the effects of the fall are real in me...but Christ gives peace. quiet. rest. order. hope. Life.

We had Easter Lunch at my Mom's. This year felt a little different. My grand-mother and great-aunt were there, with one uncle who has not lived the greatest life. Their health is failing quickly. They are dealing with old age, forgetful minds and feeble bones. One is spiritual and two are not. There is a fight to hold on to what used to be and a resistance to accept what is. We took lots of pics, thanked God for His grace through Christ and watched the kids play in the backyard. My great aunt brought a friend with her from her assisted living place. She cannot remember her last name but she knows Elvis and that she played basketball in high school.
One Day...One day we will all sit in that same seat. we will be quirky, forgetful and clumsy. we will not remember things that define us at this moment. I know that the unknown scares my aging relatives. I know that they feel alone in the midst of family and friends. They say that "the world no longer looks the same."
When I think about the things that cause so much commotion in my life i wonder "Why?" "Why am I wasting my day/time on this?" "Why am I building my kid's memories of home with this block?""Why am I putting so much emotion into this?" Sitting at the table that day with my aged family at times felt suffocating. But this thought came to me, "Nothing unexpected is going to happen TO you. You are seeing everything that will happen." Awesome. It will all culminate in "growing old". Yippeee! BUT Christ says, "Don't forget the PEACE!" In this life you are going to have trouble...but I am giving you PEACE."
One of the main truths that I left the mass with that Thursday evening was the real presence of Christ. My hope? Christ in me. He has made me his own and he gives me real peace.He has given me His real presence. He offers me life beyond this life...and beyond the grave. Thanks be to God who has given me the victory in Christ Jesus.

New Places

My girls are growing up. I was talking to a friend tonight relaying our "happenings" for the weekend. I was pulling into Starbucks kid free. Ellie was spending the night with a friend. Abby had gone to a church event with a friend. Lu & Zoe were about to go to bed and Greg was finishing up the sermon for Sunday. She said, "Wow." I had not really reflected on how quickly time had passed. 5 years ago last month we were finalizing an adoption with a little one who was going to take a lot of attention and energy for the next several years. There really hasn't been much time to stop and think about how far we have come as a family. We are functioning- healthy, happy & grateful - in awe of the goodness and grace of God.
My five year old is giving us glimpses into her "more developed" personality. She has a large vocabulary with absolutely no concern for context. It has been interesting to watch her try to find her place in this white family without the ability to fully process her unique situation. She knows that she's not white. She knows that she's brown. But she's just not sure if it's okay to call attention to our obvious differences. She carries many unanswered questions with her everyday. Sometimes they slip out in my presence however, most of the time she whispers them to her imaginary friend. I think that she is making sense in her own way and in her own time, i pray, that she can see the blessing of that is her world.
Ellie, my 9 year old, is still with me everyday. My home school experience with her has not been difficult at all. She is a hard worker who knows that if she'll just get in there and get everything done- then the rest of the day is hers. She has such a compassionate heart and seems to connect the dots effortlessly. She has an ability to take an abstract concept and apply it in real life. She is going to start volunteering some this year and i am excited to see her interact with other people on this level. She's so fun to have around.
There is really too much to say about this little muffin to sum up in one sentence. If you've read my blog for anytime at all you know that Lucy has come SO far. She is about to start reading. She meets with a friend of mine twice a week who is working with her on some educational goals. She stopped taking her supplements about 18 days ago and she is doing maaahvelous! i am so happy to see her "fully present". I have no idea what to attribute this too other than growth spurts, prayer & her feeling of safety. That probably makes no sense to any of you unless you have walked down this same path of foster and adoptive care. i am praying for her continued growth and stability. She loves to sing, learn and dance. She is a JOY!
My oldest, Abby, is teaching me everything about parenting & and is breaking me in pretty quickly. She is almost 12 and is growing up to be a fantabulous person. FUNNY, easy to spend time with and a gentle spirit. She is about to finish 5th grade at the Christian school. She wants to live everyday of her life. It kills me that i can look at her today and see glimpses of the woman that she will soon be - the way she looks, laughs, talks, etc. She is fun to hang out with. In fact, as i am typing this she is trying to make me laugh by lip-synching the title song from Dog the Bounty Hunter.
My point in writing all of this is just to reflect on 1) How quickly life happens & 2) How gracious the Lord has been to us to give us this great life with these great kids. As many of you know, our home is on open status again for foster/adoptive care. I am excited to see who the Lord will send our way. What kid will change our lives by his/her presence in the world? What child will continue to mold & shape us into who we are to be? The Lord is so dynamic. He is always working His good will and pleasure. What an exciting time to be alive.

it's been a while...

but i've go something brewing! need a little down time so i can write...there in lies the problem. :) happy kids, busy mom.